By Afam Echi
I am convinced that many will shudder at the above title. Certainly it will hit many as strange but that is the reality of the situation. I insist one man one wife is not Igbo culture as we have been misled to believe. It is unfortunate to state that we have lost so much of our culture to the influence of western civilization. The real marriage culture of Igbo people is polygamy but which is almost going into extinction in real practice but still exists informally.
Many recognize and hold the view that the African man is polygamous in nature.
The practice of multiple wives became unpopular with the advent of the white man’s method of marriage called white wedding which came into vogue with Christianity. It has sought to eclipse our traditional wedding which is original to us. White wedding is one of those imperialists culture imposed on us. It has the burden of attracting huge expenses for many young couples and indeed remains one of the factors preventing many young men from marrying.
They have the wrong impression that white wedding is compulsory and in order to impress too should do it. During white wedding the couples are enjoined or bonded especially the man to keep one man or woman till death part them. The argument still rages controversially that there is nowhere in the bible which is the authority of the Christians where it is stipulated that a man should not take more than one wife. Even if there is, it still goes against Igbo culture. One of the confusions generated by Christianity is the double wedding its adherents are subjected to. The church recognizes traditional wedding which it ensures must hold before the church wedding.
There are very many good reasons, spiritually, economically and socially why our forebears lived polygamous. It was a practice that ensured that there is a husband for every woman. Abandoning it has created a glut of marriageable women who are left to rot away as some indulge in very bad social conducts inimical to the well-being of the society. Our conducts for monogamy and against polygamy on the sides of both man and woman approximates to hypocrisy in every way examined.
Polygamy is a global phenomenon because men are also wired same way biologically to always seek out different women to satisfy their sexual urges. Even the so called Oyibo who introduced this here with their church are also keeping their mistresses. Even in the same Bible there are instances of polygamous marriages until the Pauline epistles came to start creating the confusions as he penned his mind to the audience. These are human contrivances
Take a walk with me. We pretend to be in single marriage whereas the man and woman have their numerous side cocks and side chicks that they even pay more attention to. The priests/pastors who trumpet these injunctions are even the worst for it. Many men do take care of their concubines outside more than they do their real wives at home, ditto for the women. The women would claim “I can’t be second wife’’ but they are dating married men and creaming them off. Why don’t we stop deceiving ourselves and legalize these relationships appropriately since we are practicing the polygamy indirectly or pretentiously?
One of the spiritual reasons why our forefathers took so many wives was for the sanctity of their spirituality. To avoid promiscuity jumping from one woman to another and especially when a wife is undergoing the monthly flow they take as many wives as they can afford. It is a rule that no man would or is supposed to sleep with a woman that he has not paid her bride price. It is not allowed for sincere practitioners of traditional worship. Doing otherwise keeps them impure and unworthy to ask anything from the Gods. Besides, it generates evil spell (Uchu) on the victims.
This may sound controversial but it remains the truth that polygamous men live longer than men with single wife. You may come to this reality if you reflect deeply on this statement or ask questions to be convinced. Don’t be fooled by the widely held view that polygamy is fraught with challenges.
So what is the fuss about the Nolly Wood celebrity Yul Edochie taking a second wife as if he has committed the worst atrocity on earth as expressed in the various social media commentaries. He is at liberty to change his beliefs and focus. The revelation from the remarks demonstrates how far away we have gone from our culture especially the younger ones as well as our level of hypocrisy and self-deceit.
There is no end to the lamentations on the damages the Christian religion has inflicted on our people and destroyed the society in the name of setting them free from bondage. Today we have lost our values and no more set standards. Our culture which has in-built checks and balances has been torpedoed and things have fallen apart as our young girls now sleep with dogs.
We commend Yul Edochie as well as other young men who are taking the bold step returning to the old path. If you observe critically there is a silent revolution going on as people are now very uncomfortable with the church and suddenly realizing that they have been scammed in their beliefs.
It is more honorable and respectful to take a second wife than to be having many side chicks outside (nso Ani). If you choose to have only one wife, feel free to do so but stop dragging people that choose to have more. African society have so morally degenerated that they prefer a man having as many girlfriends and side chicks (nso Ani) outside so far he is married to one wife. Some of these side chicks and girlfriend are old enough to be their children and grandchildren; no one cares so far he has one wife at home. There is gross abuse of our young females (would be mothers)
In the cause of maintaining this “one wife” societal expectation Ani di Aso (Our sacred Mother Earth) have been desecrated in many ways. These side chicks are made to commit many abortions which is murder (nso Ani), some so many times that they end up having complications that may cause infertility and their lineage being closed. All in the name of being modern, civilized or what people will say. There is pretence everywhere.
Married women now sleep around (nso Ani) more than call girls; nobody calls them ashawo so far she is living with her husband. We have left our culture, our values in the name of being religious, we now violate ‘nso Ani’ and desecrate Ani in the name of maintaining fake societal values. We are Africans and Igbos, we have nso ANI (sacrilege, taboo, abomination).
Ani forbids abortion which it views as murder but it is now ok to do it, so far you are married to one wife. Ani forbids sleeping with who you are not married to but Africans have normalized it so far you are married to one wife, married men and women now sleep around. Who did this to us? And if a full blooded Igbo man now realizes himself and does the right thing for this woman he has been sleeping with and impregnated by marrying her, you see people coming to social media to drag him and wag tongues like a dog’s tail?
One man one wife is not our culture it has even failed the Oyibos that brought it to us, reason there is divorce everywhere. If one wife is your choice by all means do it and respect the right of those that want more than one. We should stop violating and desecrating our culture because it has huge consequences on the person and by extension the society.
—This piece is being repeated based on popular demand. It has been published earlier in 2024
